Printers from hell

I think, like many people, printers were sent from the underworld to make our lives hell. They shred your paper for you whenever you want, and also whenever you don't. They happily decide to run out of ink just when you're about to print something really important, and here's our very own printer   now!

(Enter printer)

Me: So, what is it like being a printer?

Printer: GRUrrrlzorrt7t. Kzzt.

Me: Um, very nice. What is your name?

(Computer: Printer is thinking. Please wait.)

Printer: Bzzzzzzzz  hjtfYUTfiyuyFIYTyniInkii47ubu679fvc563evbi7h78.

Me: Wow, what an amazing name. So how many pieces of paper have you shredded so far?

(Computer: Printer has run out of ink. Please replace the ink levels in cartridge O9587g52r1.)

Me: (What the does that mean?) Um, cool.
(Computer: Your printer is not responding. Please replace the ink levels in cartridge 09587g52r1.)
Me: Great.
(Computer: Your printer is now online. Your computer has picked up virus 673 from your printer. It has now spread across 99% of all your files. Please replace the ink levels in cartridge 09587g54r1.)
Me: Wait, what!?
(Computer: Virus 673 has spread across 100% of all your files and has reached your hard drive. Please replace the ink levels in cartridge 09587g54r1.)
Me: I still have my backup hard drive?
(Computer: Virus 673 has reached your backup hard drive.)
Me: graaah! KTHUD!
(Computer: Please refrain from hitting the monitor.)
Me: why? WHY? WHYYYYYY!?
(Computer: Virus 673 has successfully taken over your computer. Have a nice day!)
Me: ...